Hello world

Hello world.... I am starting a blog. I have been going through a lot of stressful life situations over the course of the last 10 years and wanted to get it all out!!!
I have been happily married for almost 11 years. I adore my husband.... he is one of the greatest men I have ever known. Supporting him through all his schooling and still doing things that fulfil me has been the challenge. My hubby is a resident physician... Which for those of you not "in the know" means he has been in school a looooong time. Associates degree, Bachelors degree, Medical school (M.D.), and is now in an additional 4 years of training to specialize.... he is an OB-GYN. Which is what brings me to the present situation.
We have two amazing children and have been trying to add to our family for the past 2 years with no luck. We have tried clomid, injectables, IUI, and this last month IVF. That saga goes like this. We have always wanted a "biggish" family, 4-6 kids. The first time we got pregnant, it turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy... that is when the embryo implants somewhere other than the uterus, usually the fallopian tube.. The problem was found early and I was able to have medication instead of surgery... thus preserving my tube. We then went on to have two children without trouble. We have been trying to have another baby for 2 years and thought I would get pregnant easily again.
Doctors I have seen say my ovaries are not as robust as they might be for a person my age (32), so because we have good insurance we opted to try IVF. It was a roller coaster with all the injections and the waiting game. When it came down to it I only produced 7 eggs! I actually had 6 the first time I tried clomid and all those injections only made 7! Out of the 7 only 5 fertilized and they did a 3 day transfer with 2 10 cell embryos. None of the remaining embryos made it to the stage where they could freeze them for later use.
The waiting was torture so I took an early pregnancy test that was faintly positive... I was shocked. A few days later the blood test was positive but the hormone levels were not as high as they should be (only 30) A few days later the levels dropped to 21. We were very sad and mad...but not surprised. We had a feeling it wasn't all going to be good news. Just when we thought we could get off the roller coaster, another blood test a few days later showed a level of 503! What the heck. Cautiously hopeful we got an ultrasound that day. That is when we discovered the pregnancy was in my left tube. Will this never end!? Tubal pregnancies can be life threatening so it was treated that same day with medication and the waiting began again. Would the medication work? Was there something wrong with the tube? after 12 days we again thought we were in the clear. It was last sunday...we had just come from an appointment to talk to our bishop (clergy) to let him know of our struggles and ask for advice. All of a sudden I started having strong pain in my left side. My poor husband had just come home from being on call all night and he desperately needed sleep. Here I was writhing in pain trying not to worry the kids....off to the emergency room.
The pain meds they gave me made me soooo sick, and the ultrasound revealed my left tube needed serious attention. Miserable. Shocked. I was reminded of a quote from the movie Bruce Almighty... He is at the end of his rope and is addressing God saying, "Smite me oh mighty smiter!!" ie....."what else ya got!? I was headed for emergency surgery. My tube looked very kinked and distended...I saw pictures. My husband was there in the O.R. acting as my advocate and a third pair of eyes. I have the most wonderful doctors. The tube was removed laproscopically. Maybe it is better this way....that side will never cause me problems again. But it will also never carry an egg to meet with a sperm and implant safely in my womb.
So here I sit. Recovering from surgery I never in a million years thought I would need. Now I am the one having meals brought to my family by loving friends from church. My belly is swollen and bruised. My tube is gone, and we still want more babies. I wish I didn't have this desire. I wish I felt like we were done. I believe God has a plan for each of us. I don't claim to know what he wants for me and mine. I trust him and will keep trying....after my sore heart and wounded body have time to heal. I am desperately thankful for our two children... now more than ever I see what miracles they are. I got a letter from the hospital today confirming that we can try again with IVF in 3 months. Until then.... I will be the best mom I can be to the most amazing children. I will tirelessly support my husband through his 80+ work hour weeks because he is amazing and I love him. I will pray for understanding, and healing and try to align my desires with what Heavenly Father wants for me. "God's will is what we would choose for ourselves if we had all the information He does"